The Great Firewall of China Shall Not Fall
by Aries Draco
Summary: from the kink meme. America tries to convince China to stop internet censorship. His awesomely heroic plan? Introduce China to the wonderful world of porn.
1. Chapter 1

"You need to tell your leaders to stop censoring the Internet!"

China sighed and rubbed at his temples. He never really liked having other nations visit him. Every time something big event came along, he'd have to work his butt off to impress everyone, because it wouldn't do to show anything but your best side to your guests. As it was, he was already dealing with the foreign press at the Olympics, and some local journalist going on about milk powder. He didn't need that loud-mouthed, obnoxious America badgering him about the _internet_, of all things.

"I've seen what's on the internet," he replied patiently, willing his headache to go away. "It's not worth looking at."

America looked like someone just murdered his puppy, but China thought it better not to bring that up, considering the fairly recent matter of melamine-contaminated pet food. It wasn't as though he did it on purpose, though. Well, the dog-killing part of it anyway. Who knew that melamine would kill little animals? It was a good thing that America was so greedy for his other goods that he was willing to overloook the little incident.

"It's not up to you or your leaders to decide what is worth looking at," argued America, that bright glint in his eye telling China that this was going to be a long rant. "The internet is the ultimate in freedom of speech, and it is this freedom that is most important. People must learn to be able to make their own decisions, to choose what they want to see, hear, or believe it. This is one of the fundamental rights of humanity!"

When the Olympics was over, he would throw every single one of those western-liberals out of his country.

"You keep talking about freedom and freedom and freedom, but most people don't want freedom," argued China. "They like things to be predictable and _normal_."

America smiles at him and it's not a pleasant smile. In spite of their recent close economic relations, there were some topics that they just didn't discuss. "You _know_ that isn't true, China. Otherwise, there wouldn't have been demonstrations." _In Tibet._

Gritting his teeth, China smiled, if it could be called a smile. "You were saying about the internet?" Later, when he's less busy, he would go take out his frustrations on Tibet. For now, he had to concede defeat and entertain this idiot. "If you can show me something worth taking down my Great Firewall of China for, I will do it."

It came out like a challenge, and that was his big mistake. America jumped at challenges like dogs jumped for bones.

"You're on! Come on, come on!" called the younger nation, grabbing him by his arm and literally dragging him along. "I know exactly what would change your mind!"

It was such an unconscious display of strength, but it still irked China to no end. If he could, he would shut out the rest of the world again. If only he could.


	2. Chapter 2

The problem with China, America had decided, was that the older nation needed to get laid. Hard. The poor guy probably hadn't been laid for years, ever since that disaster with Russia, and Russia probably hadn't been a good lay either. After all, he was _Russia_. And, in lieu of a good lay (which could be hard to find if you weren't America), perhaps all China needed was a good dose of porn!

He watched the Asian eagerly, waiting for that magic moment when he comes around to the Hero's point of view and admits that he was wrong. With sparkles in his tears of gratitude for America showing him the right way. Yea, sparkles. That would be awesome.

"See? There is something good on the internet, isn't there?"

"America, you know that's impossible, right?" asked China, looking rather exasperated.

Since this wasn't the answer America was expecting, he didn't quite understand it. "Impossible?"

"The... the video. Things don't work that way," said China, a slight hint of a blush on his face. "So stuff like this isn't worth watching, because they lack even basic educational merit."

"What are you talking about?" demanded America, doublechecking that China was looking at the same thing he was. "The proof is right in front of you! They _filmed_ it!"

China looked as though he wanted to smack some sense into the younger nation, not that America noticed. "You, of all people, should know about special effect, no?" he asked, voice rather terse. "I don't think this... garbage is going to convince me t..."

"I'll PROVE that it's not impossible! Do you have a bed somewhere?"


	3. Chapter 3

So here he had America naked on a hotel bed, studying the video on the laptop screen intently. He wasn't going to let the younger nation sully _his_ bed, after all. And things were going to get very dirty, very fast.

Just because he'd banned porn didn't mean that he was completely ignorant of sexual matters. For goodness' sake, he was romping around with various nations since way before America was even conceived of, and if he said that it was impossible, it was impossibly.

But some kids just couldn't be taught with words. America insisted. _America_ insisted, so he felt fully justified in what he was about to do.

His own clothes were laid neatly over a chair, and, while America was entertaining himself with his damned internet, China decided to pick up America's discarded clothes and fold them. For good measure, he casually hid them under the bed.

America was attractive: there was no way of denying that. He was built nicely, he was endowed pretty well, and his face was pleasant enough to look at for a westerner. If only he would shut the hell up and lie down and _take it_.

But that was exactly what America was going to do, no? Prove that the video wasn't impossible by re-enacting it?

"Hey, China, you have to get into position too!"

He thought about how _lovely_ it would be to see America's crying face and he was hard. Heh, must have been hanging around Russia for too long.

"Ok, now, you just spit on your hand and lube your dingdong up with it and it should go right i..." America screamed as China did exactly what they saw in the video.

"I told you it was impossible," said China as conversationally as he could, because, damn, it hurt for him too, though probably not as much as it did for America. The thought of it made him thrust harder, seeking to go deeper, drawing out another pained cry from the younger naiton.

"S... stop!"

China shook his head lightly. "It was _your_ idea, after all," he reminded America, reaching downward and physically spreading those cheeks for deeper access.

America reacted by throwing him across the room.

Ah, yes. Always such a _strong_ little boy.

China licked his lips slightly, picking himself up and crossing his arms. America was _bleeding_ a little and it was because of him. "So, was I right?"

The younger nation stared at him as if he was France. Why were kids so troublesome to deal with?

"There is a right way to do these things," said China calmly, retrieving some lubricant from his clothes and slowly approaching the bed. "What that video showed you was not the right way. Let me show you..."

---

The Great Firewall of China went back up once the Olympics was over, with some online dissent that China went ahead and blocked. At least that was over and America wasn't badgering him about censorship anymore. In fact, he'd discovered such a pleasant way to shut the younger nation up...

But there was no time for that... some journalist was talking about milk powder again...

Notes:

Milk power and poisoned puppies: In 2005 (?), some pet food in America was found to contain melamine, that subsequently caused the death of many doggies. The melamine contamination was eventually traced back to China. And still, they thought adding melamine to baby milk powder would be harmless? Really.

Tibet: They don't want to be considered part of China.

Porn: Most of it is not realistic. Virgins beware.

The Great Firewall of China: it exists. It's now blocking youtube.

Timeline: During the Beijing 2008 Summer Olympics. Duh.


End file.
